today a dude slammed my finger on accident because he was closing a metal drawer i had my fingers in and i was on drive through and i literally screamed into the headset and the lady just kept ordering her drink as i was trying to hush down three different LOUD MEN SAYING “OH MY GOD WHAT DID HE DO TO YOUR HAND”
she just kept going
i screamed into a headset and she just kept going
If you ever think your parents are too hard on you just remember that Mufasa materialized as a cloud to tell Simba to get his shit together.
Miley: “Dad I have something for Tanners bug collection”
my uncle: “that’s great”
Miley: “it’s a bird”
my uncle: “no its not”
They let it go and it flew away just fine, so we’re wondering how she caught it.
she caught another bird.
update: she caught a squirrel today
She is gonna rule the world one day with this power
Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka reenact the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp (x)
It was a moment Anthony Carbajal will never forget: standing on the stage of one of TV’s most popular talk shows, fighting for a cause that touches him and his family profoundly. All while his mom looked proudly on.
In which Dad dad-jokes John into telling him he’s adopted
LIKE SHE’S NOT EVEN BEING SUBTLE ABOUT THE SHIT
religion: nicki minaj destroying and being disgusted at phallic symbols
I actually feel sorry for Americas youth. This is your role model. My role model is my father. And I can spell whole words too.
broe you are 40 years old i’m pretty sure youve raised america’s youth
I haven’t. Because if I’d raised Americas youth, my daughters would value themselves more than using banana as a phallic symbol for being a dick in her mouth. And if my daughter liked a dick in her mouth, she wouldn’t advertise it to the world. A freak in the sheets but a lady in the streets.
I’m feeling second-hand embarrassment for a 36-year-old man what even is this.
Shocking Truths Behind What Cat Behaviors Really Mean…
(Psst, the pictures in the original are also animated. It’s like 9000 times more adorable.)
TH-THEY JUST SHOWED UP OUT OF NOWHERE